How To Be Strong For Your Ill Spouse?

Learning that my spouse had the coronavirus was the darkest day of my life. Ever since John came back from a business trip to Italy, he already showed signs of COVID-19. We both sensed that that was the problem from the moment he ran a high fever, and it was painful for him even to breathe. However, it still stung when the results came, and we found out that he tested positive.

I could remember that day vividly because it occurred close to the end of his 14-day self-quarantine. My husband and I had a countdown for when we thought we could see each other. The reality was, although we could video chat every day, it sucked that we were not allowed to be together. When the ambulance came to pick him up so that he could get proper medication, I could not even say bye to my husband. It also meant that we could not meet for an extended period.

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Couple that experience with the thought that my husband might die because of the coronavirus, all I did was cry and pray every day at home. But you know, my husband never saw me shed a single tear throughout this ordeal. He only learned of that routine a couple of weeks after the doctors discharged him and cleared him of COVID-19. The reason was that I would always goof around and be my quirky self to make him smile whenever we would FaceTime. We would talk about his illness for a few minutes, but that’s about it. He would eventually change the subject, and I told him stories about home as if he was still on a business trip.

No one encouraged me to do it, but I knew that I had to show a strong front for my spouse to keep him from worrying about me while recuperating. And it worked—he overcame coronavirus. Now, we are both genuinely happy and helping people in our community in every possible way.

Assuming your husband or wife’s ordeal with COVID-19 is not over yet, I feel for you. Here’s what you can do to be strong in front of your ill spouse.

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Don’t Cry When You Talk
The first thing you should stop or avoid doing is crying whenever you talk to your spouse. Doing so will not be insensitive at all. You see, your spouse may already be an emotional wreck at this point in their life. Their life is in danger; the doctors can only do so much to help them. If they see you breaking down, they may not be able to handle it. That can hurt your husband or wife’s healing process.

Use The Word ‘When’ Instead Of ‘If’ Often
I realize now that my sentences typically started with, “When you get better…” while my husband was dealing with the virus. I tried not to use ‘if’ as much as I could because it sounded to me like I had no faith in his recovery. And, no, you won’t be idealistic by talking in that sense; instead, it makes you optimistic.

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Prove That Life Does Not Stop Because Of The Disease
During my spouse’s ordeal, I tried to continue working from home and telling my husband about it. We also used Netflix Party one too many times to watch movies together and then chat about the scenes in between. The simplicity of such activities has proven to be fantastic for my recuperating man, considering it has allowed him to think less of COVID-19.

Final Thoughts
I get how emotional it can be to see your husband or wife fight a lethal virus. As I said earlier, I was a crying mess when my husband was ill, too. However, you can always wipe your tears before calling your partner and choose to put a smile on your face. That’s the single yet most powerful thing you can do to help them.

What To Do After Leaving A Toxic Relationship

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The Love Relationship Conference 2019 discussed the fascinating insights about the five love languages. It is essential to know the love language of your partner because it can help you become a better person to your loved one. Sometimes though, no amount of effort can make a relationship work, especially toxic relationships. And the best way to go is out of the partnership.

When you finally find the courage to leave the toxic relationship, here are the things that you have to do.

Always Remember: It’s Not Your Fault

It will be easier for you to blame yourself after leaving the toxicity. But the truth is it isn’t. How your partner treated you: the emotional manipulation, isolation, control, is not your fault. When you start thinking about blaming yourself, say this out loud, “it’s not my fault.” Self-blame is your mind’s way of covering up the pain that you felt when you were in the relationship, so it is also toxic in itself.

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Practice Self-Care

One of the critical things that you lost in the relationship is your care for yourself. So, what you need to do now is to rediscover it. Start by doing something that you used to love. Be it shopping, reading, or singing out loud, do it. Know that you matter. You deserve care.

Talk About Your Feelings With Someone You Trust

What you went to is traumatic and may be hard to process. But what your feeling is valid and needs to be dealt with. So, find a friend or relative that you trust and tell them about what happened. Talking with someone about it can help you process your emotions. If there’s no one to speak with, you may seek professional help for support.

Grieve

Lastly, allow yourself to grieve. You are a strong person, but you are still a person. You need to cry over what happened or be angry about it; express them. Grieving will be the first step towards healing after leaving that toxic relationship.

Nobody deserves to be in a toxic relationship, but sometimes, people still get tangled in one. When it happens to you, disengage immediately. Always remember that you are worthy of love, not hurt. Don’t forget this.