In the early stages of a breakup, you may find yourself obsessing about an ex-partner, unable to concentrate on other things, and feeling bad about yourself—and your brain may be the reason why. But don’t despair—another part of the brain may be able to help you recover. — Melanie Greenberg Ph.D.
Surviving a relationship breakup is one of the most painful processes that we can go through. The real test of resilience can be measured after ending a romantic relationship. Romantic connections can be pretty powerful that we can be so dependent on them. Not everyone can be really that well equipped to deal with breakups. Some would inflict harm on themselves, become suicidal, or even harm other persons. It can also lead to people becoming depressed.
No one has the magic exemption ticket to do away with the painful grieving process. It takes time to move on, and much more to ultimately have more satisfying relationships in the future. But no matter how strong your grief, it helps to be aware of these emotions and take positive steps to recover, move on, and start anew, rather than suffering major depression and mental breakdown. If you are not brave enough to ask someone personally for advice, the internet is a powerful and useful tool in helping you go through this process.
What to Expect During Online Counseling
Nowadays, it is acceptable to ask for online counseling for situations such as this. There are relevant and legitimate online sites that provide 24/7 counseling services to persons with problems like heartaches, relationship breakups or just a simple spat with partners. The following are topics that your therapist will help you go through:
Accept your feelings. The reason why it is a prolonged and painful process is that we try to suppress and run away with the emotional, unpleasant feeling. Negative emotions like anger, resentment, sadness, and fear are all realistic and must be acknowledged. Healthy coping is to experience these feelings. Painful feelings will decrease over time, each day, step by step; you start moving on. Remember that moving on is the end of your goal.
As adults, we tend to use painful events from our present to confirm negative attitudes from our past. The horrible things we believe about ourselves on a deep, fundamental level resurface the minute a situation like a break-up can be used to prove and support them. — Lisa Firestone, Ph.D.
Go back to family and friends. Sometimes sharing your feelings with those you trust so well can make you feel less alone with your pain. Support of family and friends can somehow relieve us from some of our misery. It’s alright to openly discuss your feelings than to isolate and turn yourself away from them.
Avoid self-pity. A breakup is no one’s fault so try not to dwell on who is to blame. In any relationship, our goal is to make it work and not to harm the person that we chose to love. Look back at the relationship and make it an opportunity to learn more about yourself. How was your behavior during the relationship? Be honest with yourself and examine it objectively. Work on your mistakes and learn from them. The bad experience, turn it into something that you can use to make better choices next time.
The breakups that really last tend to face irreconcilable differences in values and life. This usually means that one or both are unwilling or unable to compromise in areas that are meaningful to them and their life plan, which provides the drive to see the breakup through. —
Practice self-care. Take care of yourself, indulge, and try to get back to where you used to be. A major breakup is highly stressful. It can leave you emotionally, psychologically and physically drained. Try to go back to the healthy habits that once fell. Start to eat well, sleep better and exercise to elevate your mood and make you feel better. Indulge in something that you like and will make you feel better. Get a good massage. Spend time and have fun with your good friends. Go for a short trip or buy something new for yourself. Gradually get back to your routine. Go back to that old comfort of stability and normalcy.
Your first session with the online counselor or therapist may not bring you immediate relief, but it does somehow ease your emotional burden. Expressing your thoughts is the start of the recovery.
After all the heartaches, learn love’s lesson. No matter how bad your love story had been, it is not a failure if you have grown because of the experience. Be at peace with the knowledge that your love’s lesson is in preparation to whom you are destined to be in the future. Hold on to that belief and keep that faith in love and relationship.