Broken Hearts

He started to hear voices telling him to kill himself; suspicious of people around him; no interest on things he used to enjoy; inability to sleep at night, easily agitated, looks superficially happy but, feels sad.

It’s truly tragic to see someone knowingly choose to maintain an unhealthy relationship when you know in your heart that they are worth a truly supportive and respect-filled, mutually satisfying relationship. — Suzanne Degges-White Ph.D.

Do you know someone who experiences these kinds of things?  These are just some signs and symptoms of a person who is enduring an emotional illness called depression. Personally speaking, this issue hits close to home because it happened to a family member.

Helping a depressed person especially a family member can be a challenge to oneself and the whole family. A person struggling with this kind of disorder will not acknowledge the problem initially and might feel defensive when family members try to intervene. Family support and encouragement are vital for their recovery. It is not an individual struggle but of the entire family to heal and cope with depression. The reality is this – it’s one illness, but it’s the entire family’s battle.

Awareness And Prevent To Be Stigmatized

The first step is to acknowledge that being depressed is not anybody’s fault. Depressed individuals are dealing with a psychological problem. It is a serious mental illness that needs professional attention.  Family members should be aware of how depression works.  Awareness of the disorder can aid in improvising appropriate approaches to their needs. Also, family’s willingness to support will present to the depressed member that he is valuable. Moreover, labeling or stigmatizing the condition can only worsen the situation. Do not be afraid that other people will ostracize your whole family for this. Let this be driving energy to help a family member and not minding what other people say.

People with concealed depression or hidden depression often don’t want to acknowledge the severity of their depressive feelings. They believe that if they just continue living their life, the depression will just go away on its own. — John M. Grohol, Psy.D.

Communicate Openly

Individuals who are suffering from depression are fragile and needs to be taken care of.  One way to help is to provide them with a positive environment. Let them open or speak about their feelings and concerns. Do not be critical even though what they are saying is not true or have no basis. Do not argue with their perceived reality. In the long run, they will realize their actions or what have been right or wrong in the choices they have made. If the family started to accept them and what they are going through, the feelings of abandonment and isolation experienced by depressed individuals can be lessened.

Allow Family Gatherings

It also helps to generate a positive experience. For instance, going out for dinner, watching movies, and a simple weekly family gathering at home. Each member should make available time to attend a get-together. It will secure a depressed person feeling of belongingness. Family involvement in these recreational activities creates the medium, not only for the depressed individual but also to each family member, to ventilate their feelings and evaluate how they are coping with the situation. Depression can be contagious. Taking care of a depressed family member is not easy, and it can be frustrating. This is an excellent opportunity to assess the risk of depression to each family members.

It is also a good idea to invite friends or other persons that are not related to the family. They can serve as mediator or referee to any misunderstandings or issues that can arise anytime during family gatherings. Although this is not the real goal, it is best to be prepared in case a negative outcome takes place. We don’t like this to happen especially if the depressed individual is present or aware of such situation.

Symptoms of depression are often hard to interpret. The individual feels withdrawn, having little energy to perform even mundane tasks. — Robert T Muller Ph.D.

Encourage Professional Treatment

Getting a depressed person into treatment can be difficult as he may find it hopeless and pointless. This can be frustrating on the part of the family members as well because it will certainly take time to convince a depressed person to seek professional help. It’s like dragging an elephant and placing it inside the fridge. When you bring up this topic, prevent talks as you sound like nagging the person already. This is not helping. The best way is to encourage them to seek help. Enlighten that a professional opinion is a good opportunity for oneself and the family to know the methods on how to solve the problem. A psychiatrist can evaluate the healing progress, and if not on the right track, they can plan changes in the treatment depending on needs. After explaining the technical side, always add that you will be with them all throughout the process. They will not be left out nor neglected while seeking treatment.

A family member’s depression affects the whole family. So, together, support each other, give unconditional love and unlimited patience to make healing a healthier process for everyone.

Having a group of friends whom you can count on for love and support is a necessity in life. These people are not only there for the fun times, but they also have a significant impact on improving our lives.

However, not all friendships can last as healthy relationships. Sometimes, your friends can cause you frequent stress and increased vulnerability that is detrimental to your well-being. When this happens, you should recognize the signs of a toxic friendship and part ways with these people for the better.

People, no matter how smart, successful, and savvy, find it impossible to break up with their toxic jobs, relationships, and friends. — Yoon Kane Ph.D.

Are You In A Toxic Friendship?

It’s normal for friends to have fights and misunderstandings now and then. After all, we’re only human. However, certain red flags tell whether your relationship is doing you more harm than good.

The first sign of a toxic friendship is the sense of dread when you’re around them. You get stressed out and weighed down by the idea of meeting up or talking to them. Instead of being excited to hang out, you dislike who you become in their company.

Another red flag is the imbalance in the relationship. Do you feel like you’re giving more time to them, but they don’t care about yours? Do you always talk about them, but they can’t spare a second to listen to you? If yes, then that may mean that you’re not getting as much as you’re giving to your friends.

In the painful cycle of relational abuse, the abuser/user has the power to convince the relational partner that they actually “deserve” the poor treatment. When a person experiences the cycle of abuse long enough, she or he may grow to believe that their behaviour is to blame for the toxicity in the relationship. — Suzanne Degges-White Ph.D.

You may also feel that the agreements you make are unfair and that it only makes you feel used.  In this case, assess whether your friend is manipulating you to do things that you’re uncomfortable with doing.

Lastly, you get a gut feeling that they shouldn’t be trusted. Maybe it’s because your friends always judge and criticize your actions and decisions. Or perhaps they’re not careful with their words, making you insecure and hateful toward yourself. Remember, while constructive comments help improve yourself, you have to draw the line when it’s too much.

A friendship that started with delight, good will, confidences and closeness changes – maybe slowly and quietly, maybe tumultuously – and is beginning to feel toxic. And you find yourself wondering whether there’s anything to be done but walk away. — Kathy McCoy Ph.D.

Cutting Ties

Leaving a toxic friendship is a painful process, but you should do it for the sake of your overall health. While you recover, consider these tips to help you get back on your feet.

• Practice self-care. You may feel guilty or even angry at yourself for being in that mess, but it’s not your fault. Allow yourself to feel bad, but don’t let it get the best of you. Instead, fight those bad feelings by treating yourself with fun activities and good food.

Spend time with other friends. Instead of dwelling on that negative part, shift your focus to your healthy relationships. Take note of the people who truly value you and stick to them. Those friends are the types that can help you heal in your dark moments.

• Don’t expect apologies. You may end up feeling more hurt when your former friend doesn’t own up to his/her mistake. Try your best to keep that chapter of your life behind you and move on.
• There is no need to keep in touch. By ending your contact with each other, it will be easier for both of you to let go and heal. If you feel like you need to have the last conversation, keep it clean and short. Then, clarify the intentions behind your decision to discontinue your contact. Remember, you don’t need to explain yourself. Avoid arguments as much as possible.
• Get help. If your toxic friendship had been too much for you, consider reaching out to a therapist.

Ending a friendship is painful. But if all it did was hurt you and make you hurt yourself, it’s not cruel. You are liberating yourself to find better friendships.

Lots of people walk through life trying to hide their depression. Some people with hidden depression can conceal their depression like pros, masking their symptoms and putting on a “happy face” for most others. — John M. Grohol, Psy.D.

Have you ever encountered problems that you cannot paint your face with a smile? Is it too heavy because your heart is drowning with pain or sorrow? Why do we need to smile? Take it from a famous saying, “Don’t take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.” When one ponders the harsh realities and complexities of life, it is so easy to be depressed. The present global situation might be generally delicate as compared to previous generations but there are still humanitarian issues that need attention and focus on. With these problems in mind, plastering a smile on one’s face might be considered as a chore. Continue reading Infect Others With A Smile

Love dies. Relationships end. These statements are difficult to accept, but they constitute people’s daily lives. Heartbreaks are extremely painful since you invested time and effort into a relationship.

For better or worse, in most of today’s Western cultures we have immense freedom to follow our hearts’ desires when it comes to love; however, this freedom also means that we are likely to experience the loss of either a dating or marital relationship at least once in our lives—and probably more frequently. — Erica B Slotter Ph.D.

Thus, breakups are painful and mentally burdensome. You need to remove the romantic attachment you had with another person. In this time of your life, you need a support system to remind you of other great things in life.

Aside from a support system, positive self-talk is also essential when dealing with heartbreaks. Here are some powerful mantras to help you through the moving on phase.

Healing Is Not Linear

Heartbreaks are tiring since feelings of hurt, guilt, and anger always come back. You might be fine for a day, and you thought you have already moved on. But there is no guarantee that tomorrow will be like today.

However, you must accept that healing will never be linear. The beginning of happiness does not guarantee a lifetime of joy. In the same way, the start of negative feelings does not entail a lifetime of sadness. The moving on phase is an everyday challenge you will face, and you need to healthily deal with these emotions.

You can take note of happy days to remember them during times of struggle. Healing may not be linear, but joyful days make life bearable.

Research shows that one of the best self-help treatments for depression is physical exercise. Exercise produces endorphins and serotonin, which both promote a positive outlook. — Suzanne Degges-White Ph.D.

One Day At A Time

Sometimes, when things are tough, people force themselves to move on. However, most of the time, coercing yourself is counterproductive. This way of dealing with emotions involves denial and repression.

You deny your negative feelings, but you need to express these repressed emotions. If not conveyed, those negative feelings will obstruct your journey of moving on. You must feel your emotions, but you must not dwell on them.

The future will unfold by itself. Do not worry about it too much. What you need to do is to focus on yourself today. Choose to engage in healthy coping mechanisms. You can start healthy habits which can keep you busy. Focus on making yourself better each day until you realize that you have completely moved on.

The problem isn’t necessarily a lack of determination or desire. Instead, there’s a divide between our calculated intentions to achieve a goal and the feelings that tempt us to give up. — Caty Harris, LCSW

Life Happens

There were times when you thought you would end up with that person. However, life does not always work the way you want it to. There may be good reasons, or it may just be an unfortunate event in your life. Nevertheless, you need to stop rationalizing other people’s actions and decisions.

It is difficult to accept that your shared time is already gone, but it is the only way to move forward. You are not forced to think of this mantra immediately, but once you learn to accept some aspects of life as they are, you will unload some of the burdens you are carrying.

It might appear that you cannot move on with the pain, but, you are more powerful than you think. You are more than what that person made you feel. You are more than this heartbreak, and you will be surprised by how worthy you are.

At first, there is the pain, or the relief, the anger, sadness, etc. But as time goes by, people often end up drifting back together — they start talking, having sex, spending time together, and soon they’re a couple again, even if unofficially. — Nathan Feiles, MSW, LCSW-R

The addiction of love blinds people.  Some persons are crazy enough to assume that the person they are dating is the potential “the one” despite the fact that both parties never discussed an official romantic relationship.  One thing is certain – red flags are all over the place, and the person who is assuming a lot in this kind of relationship can suffer a tremendous emotional setback. Continue reading How To Survive A “No Commitment Relationship”

A significant number of married couples are impacted by infidelity nowadays. It’s like the trend now. Or is it? How people could step out of their marriage nowadays to have an affair with another person may take a million reasons to understand the behavior fully. If you are the one being cheated on, in most people’s opinion you are not the person to blame for your partner’s act of deceit. You would, however, want to know the motivating factors or reasons that lead your spouse to this point. You might want to dig on the basic of the reasons why a spouse cheats. Continue reading Self-Therapy on Issues About Infidelity