I just a read a magazine about celebrities who broke up and how the male celebs were just so ‘depressed’ (according to them) that they went from women to women. I’m sure that’s their excuse for their mean behavior. But really, I came to think about what real men really would go through after a breakup. How do they move on from a serious relationship? Or do they even delve on the pain, wallow in sadness and cry like women do before they say they’re finally over their exes?
A survey of college students at Case Western Reserve University found that more than 90 percent of both men and women reported rejection from someone they were still in love with, while more than 90 percent reported dumping someone who was in love with them. — Melanie Greenberg Ph.D.
I was curious,and so I asked my old friend, Dave, who was a high school heartthrob back in our days. I thought he was the perfect person to talk to about this since he’s had a lot of experience with women. Perhaps there were one or two that he considered significant in his life?
“Of course, what kind of question is that?” he goes. “I’ve dealt with a breakup up too many times to know how it is really to move on.” But that’s just me.
Here’s how he told me about how he successfully dealt with a breakup and how he moved on.
The best way to stop dwelling on heartache is to throw yourself into activities that keep you busy and engaged in the world. — Suzanne Degges-White Ph.D.
The Steps Of Moving On – According To Dave
- “I got drunk that fateful day and the rest of the days that followed.”
He said booze was his best friend for the first few weeks following his breakup with his special girl. He just couldn’t take her off his mind without drinking. He had to get intoxicated so that he could get past the day alive – drunk crazy but alive.
- “I did everything that she didn’t want me to do.”
When he woke up the next morning feeling all groggy and dazed and angry, the first thing he did was pee on the toilet seat – something that his ex hates so much! It felt great, he said, to do something that she hated. He then lighted a cigarette and smoked his heart out. “Gosh, she would have thrown a tantrum if she would see me now. And wouldn’t that be a relief to see!”
- “I tried contacting my other ex-girlfriends.”
This was pathetic, I told him. Keeping in touch with his other girls just to feel even? Was that even fair to him? But yes, that’s what he did. He would call some of the women whom she remembered but then didn’t get the nerve to invite them for a date or something. Maybe he was just after the feeling that he still had that oomph, that magic charm that wore off from the girl that he thought was his soul mate. Well, let’s keep in mind that these steps are his, and he succeeded; so let’s give him that.
- “I didn’t care about the sheets or how the room smelled.”
Why would he, right?
- “I followed her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.”
Stalking would be more appropriate if I were to rephrase it. He opened her account when he woke up in the morning, and he did it again in the middle of his work, and right before he went to sleep! And then he realized that he got more hurt and angry because the pictures told him that her ex was happier and she was having so much fun with her friends. It looked like she wasn’t even thinking of him. Maybe that shook him up a little – made him come to his senses.
- “I got drunk everyday again, and had sex with – uh, I don’t remember their names.”
In his attempts to feel like a man again, he rejuvenated his sex life by making out with women he would know at bars, or blind dates, or simply one-night stands. Sometimes he would be so drunk that he would rant about his ex to these girls – and sometimes he would be left alone in the hotel room because the girl got insulted and rode a taxi home.
- “ I thought about getting my life and my body back in shape.”
This was after four months, says Dave. He slowly got tired of his mean and dirty past times that when he looked at himself in the mirror one fine day, he realized he needed an overhaul. At the back of his mind, though, he thought that if she’d see him after a month, that she’ll be all over him again, wanting him back for good (but that didn’t happen).
- “I went to the places she went so that she would see the new me.”
Dave is the boy-next-door type of guy. He’s tall, tan, and handsome. He wasn’t like that when he was depressed. And when he finally got his act together and looked all so dashing once again, he wanted her ex to see her, so he went to the bars that she went to and the coffee shops that her girlfriends would go. They saw each other, actually, once or twice, and surprisingly, he said, he didn’t feel too excited and moved. The revenge mode wasn’t there anymore.
- “I was starting to move on.”
The hell you should! That was five months ago!
Dave slowly stopped thinking about her ex,and he didn’t even try. He started dating other women, not because he forced himself to but because he wanted someone new in his life. He felt good about going out, getting clean, and being able to socialize without having to drink too much.
- “I finally want the best for her, truly.”
He smiled as he was telling me how he was relieved that his ‘mourning’ stage was over and that he felt happier that he had gone through the experience and got out of it stronger and better. He said he still thinks about her sometimes, but only because he wishes her happiness too.
Dave got over it by himself, but if you or a friend of yours couldn’t get a grip of himself because of a breakup, please do see a mental health professional who can help you get through it.