Why Rejection Hurts

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Rejection happens to nearly everyone. It occurs whenever someone refuses to be our friend, or whenever we don’t get picked into groups.

This inner voice tells us we are unworthy of being accepted by others, even ourselves. It tells us we don’t have a right to even take up space in the world. — Robert Cornell, LMFT

Most poignantly, rejection happens inevitably in the process of finding romantic relationships. Whenever someone rejects you, there are undeniable feelings of inadequacy and soul-crushing sadness. Ever wondered why people feel that way in the face of rejection? 

Evolution gave lifeforms unique skills to thrive in this world, and humans are no exception. Rejection is just one of those tools that helped us survive in the past. Knowing what purpose rejection serves can help us cope better with it and possibly even use it to our advantage.

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Life In Prehistoric Tribes

During prehistoric times, people had to work hard to survive. They needed a stable food and water supply, as well as protection from the elements. Since humans have no natural weapons such as claws or fangs, we instead developed intelligence to allow us to outsmart our opponents. Our minds allowed us to use a strategy that helped us become the dominant species on the planet: teamwork.

Early people lived in small groups as they went around looking for food. By working together, humans were better able to take down large prey and to defend themselves from powerful predators. When someone contracted an illness, other members of the group assisted the patient until they got well again. People can take care of children, leaving the parents free to find food. Cooperation in prehistoric tribes markedly increased the survival rates of early humans.

We often feel compelled to keep telling ourselves, our friends, or even a therapist, the same story over and over again. In reality, these stories can have a lot more to do with our own psychology than they do with the actual circumstances of the breakup. — Lisa Firestone, Ph.D.

The Cost Of Isolation

The system of cooperation practices by early humans also meant that isolation is a severe punishment. When people act contrary to the interests of the group, other members might forcibly evict them. Deprived of protection and support, isolated humans typically didn’t last long in the harsh wilderness.

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As evolution proceeded, people started to crave social support, protecting it at all costs. They also gained the ability to sense whether they were in danger of being kicked out of the tribe. These sensations are now what we associate with the feelings of rejection.

People felt pain whenever they did something that might displease other people in the tribe. The discomfort warned them that they faced certain death if they continued with their current actions. Hence, many of them stopped and tried to make amends, allowing their continued membership into the community. There were more likely to survive and have offspring, so the number of people who could sense rejection grew until everyone had this ability.

Nowadays, our survival doesn’t depend on the whims of a single group. Behaviors that encourage individuality and even deviance flourish in the modern world. However, humanity is still a social species. Everyone always needs to form relationships with one another and to support each other.

Keep in mind that emotional pain and anger at rejection are totally normal reactions to abnormal situations. No one likes being passed over, but it’s going to happen more times in life than we like to imagine. — Suzanne Degges-White Ph.D.

As long as we seek out relationships with other people, we will continue to experience rejection. By understanding that rejection is essentially a self-protective measure, we realize that it’s not so bad as it seems. Once you recognize that rejection happens to everyone and is a normal part of human history, you can break away from it and move on with life.

How To Survive A “No Commitment Relationship”

At first, there is the pain, or the relief, the anger, sadness, etc. But as time goes by, people often end up drifting back together — they start talking, having sex, spending time together, and soon they’re a couple again, even if unofficially. —

The addiction of love blinds people.  Some persons are crazy enough to assume that the person they are dating is the potential “the one” despite the fact that both parties never discussed an official romantic relationship.  One thing is certain – red flags are all over the place, and the person who is assuming a lot in this kind of relationship can suffer a tremendous emotional setback. Continue reading How To Survive A “No Commitment Relationship”

“We are Fuckin’ Perfect”–Pink

Mostly, songs that discuss depression and suicide released in recent memory have meant well. With this song, Pink directly confront depression and suicide. She doesn’t dance around the subject matter, but she cuts right through the euphemism and candidly faces the topic. In her music video, she graphically interprets the song well Continue reading “We are Fuckin’ Perfect”–Pink

Self-Therapy on Issues About Infidelity

A significant number of married couples are impacted by infidelity nowadays. It’s like the trend now. Or is it? How people could step out of their marriage nowadays to have an affair with another person may take a million reasons to understand the behavior fully. If you are the one being cheated on, in most people’s opinion you are not the person to blame for your partner’s act of deceit. You would, however, want to know the motivating factors or reasons that lead your spouse to this point. You might want to dig on the basic of the reasons why a spouse cheats. Continue reading Self-Therapy on Issues About Infidelity

Psychiatrist’s Guide On How To Mend A Broken Heart

Every human being experience heartbreak. Whatever is the nature of the relationship, when mutual trust, understanding, and feelings of love wanes, moving on can be a tremendous struggle.

Unfortunately, there’s not a magic number for how many weeks it takes to get over a bad break-up, but if you find your thoughts are getting in the way of you moving forward and your friends are tired of hearing you complain, then those are two signs it’s time to get yourself together and move forward. — Suzanne Degges-White Ph.D.

Most of us would agree that mending a broken heart is never easy. This is especially true if your feelings towards the person are genuine and you have exerted all the efforts to build and sustain the relationship. You have invested a lot of emotional elements to the relationship.

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Recovery from heartbreak goes through an excruciating process. The person could go to episodes of depression up to the extent of ending their sorrows by committing suicide. It may sound heinous and exaggerated for some individuals hearing that a person would take their own lives for just reasons of heartbreak. In fact, literature has contributed much to this behavior like the tragic end of Romeo and Juliet or Mark Anthony and Cleopatra.

So how do you get beyond the pain? Many people seek therapy to recover from a broken heart, especially if the consequences are already far more noticeable and affecting their daily lives. The purpose of this article is to offer the readers some commendable steps identified by psychiatrists on how to help oneself recover from heartbreaks.

You don’t need to be a psychologist to note the very harsh effects of a breakup on a person’s mental health. When a relationship ends, humiliation, rage, loneliness, anguish and grief all seem to simultaneously show up at the door, marching in arm-in-arm to parade noisily around our psyche. — Lisa Firestone, Ph.D.

Allow Yourself To Feel The Pain.Some persons are in denial about the heartbreak. They tend to show strong emotions about it, but the danger is when everything boils up because the emotions are kept hidden. Once it spews into a volatile mental breakdown, the problem becomes more complicated.  It is only when we feel our pain we can deal with it. The moment you start crying and allowing yourself to grieve, there will be a sense of acceptance and the feeling to move as follows.

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Let Your Emotions Flow. As difficult as it may seem, gradually try to feel better. It is understandable to feel sad and lonely for some time. However, it’s no longer healthy if your depression lasts for more than six weeks or longer. If so, this can be clinical depression already, and you need a further evaluation from a psychiatrist or psychologist.

Just as there is a commitment to being together, breakups don’t actually happen unless one or both partners is committed to remaining apart. It often takes tremendous will to not call, text, email, or visit, or to not respond to messages from a recent ex. —

Make Initial Steps Towards Reclaiming Yourself. Start a list of what you can do now that you are single, perhaps starting an online business or go to school again. Breathe in the new air into your being. This may be the right time to reinvent yourself and discover what talents, skills, and performance set are you still capable of doing.

Make A List Of What You Are Thankful For.Remembering things that should be thankful for can boost your well -being. Even if our love story ended painfully, understand that the experience was a blessing and everything has a purpose.

Pay It Forward. Kindness towards others can make you feel good about yourself, increase your self-worth and helps relieve depression. Joining some volunteer groups can divert your attention from all the heartaches plus an opportunity to meet new friends. Who knows, this can be a venue for you to meet someone who will give sparkle to your eyes once again.

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Self-Care Is A Must. Lastly, do take care of your body. Never allow depression to take over, making you neglect physical care. Get some exercise. Eat healthy food that is high in fiber, protein, and nutrients. It can boost your mood and liven up your energy.

As they say, time heal all wounds. Give yourself a break and enjoy what life has given you. It may be impossible, but you can make it through. Even if you can’t imagine being open to love again, you certainly will, profoundly and intensely as you did before.