Don’t Be His Rebound Girl (Watch Out For These Signs)

 

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Rebound relationships can often help people stop missing their exes. When a person starts dating someone new, their success in having found another appealing person to date can help them feel better about their romantic prospects. — Samantha Joel Ph.D.

For someone who’s serious about her romantic relationships, nothing would be more painful than the thought of being in a rebound relationship. Well, there are quite a few instances when they can be helpful, and sometimes they even do work. However, this is only good if both man and woman have an understanding about the real deal of the relationship, if both are on the same page right from the very start.

Some men, though, don’t consciously think that they are rebounding. Perhaps it’s just that you were there and he was weak and looking for a cure. Others do deny even to themselves that they’re just in for the rebound, most especially to the women they’re dating – and that’s way too unfair, don’t you think?

Girl, you need to look for these clues to find out that you’re in fact his rebound, and that he’s just interested in something transient and fleeting, and not at all long-lasting.

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Warning Signs That You’re In A Rebound Relationship

  1. He Brings Up His Ex Almost Always, Telling You Negative Things About Her 

He insists every time that he’s long been over his ex, but he always talks about her and complains about how bad the relationship turned out because of her. I mean, who is he fooling? If he rants to you about his former partner without you even mentioning her name, then clearly he hasn’t gotten over her yet. He’s bitter and obviously still has feelings for her – just the right reasons not to date you.

Those on the rebound are assumed to be distressed, shamed, angry, or sad. Consequently, their emotional availability is questioned, as is their capacity to be devoted to a new partner or make good decisions in choosing one. — Mary C. Lamia Ph.D.

  1. He Disregards The Importance Of His Relationship Of 4 Years 

He treats you like you’ve been lovers since forever,but he tells you his former lover of four years was not significant anymore? Now, you should be concerned. A man (or woman, for that matter) who is principled and honest treasures his past relationships and considers them learning experiences that have made him a better person. That’s what a real man who has moved on should say.

  1. He’s Still Keeping In Touch With His Ex.

If your boyfriend broke up with his ex three or four months ago, he shouldn’t be keeping in touch with her at this time. However, if you noticed that he hasn’t actually stopped messaging her and chatting with her online, then be suspicious that he’s just using you to keep up with his lonely times unless they have a kid that they need to take care of. That’s another story. If he’s still stalking his ex and secretly attempts to call her, walk away. He has no plans of building a serious relationship with you. Tell him if he needs help moving on, he might as well see a professional.

  1. He Wants To Have Sex More Than Too Many 

There are good and bad reasons why you and your lover are having sex. However, if he’s just broken up with a long-time girlfriend – beware. Men who are rebounding usually use sex to distract themselvesfrom the pain and loneliness that they’re feeling. Also, this is one of the best excuses for them not to talk about serious matters, like getting your relationship to the next level perhaps. Never disregard this matter,or you’ll learn too late that it was all just about the sex after all.

  1. He Still Gets Jealous When He Hears About His Ex And Her New Beau 

He gets furious when someone tells him that his ex is dating again and that she’s happy. Later you learn that they had officially broken up just two months ago. This is a warning sign for you to take a few steps back, maybe give him space to work his feelings out. He might also show pangs of jealousy when you’re with some male friends, or he forbids you to go out with them. His jealousy may be because his ex cheatedhim and he has a fear of reliving the pain he felt. Don’t get serious with this guy – he’s not worth it.

  1. He’s One Of Your Closest Male Friends 

After a breakup, men realize how much they miss the presence and comfort of a woman, and how much they regret taking it for granted while he had it. When they find it in you – a close female friend – he feels it again. He begins to call you and wants to be with you more often than before, and most of the time he wants you all to himself – not with all your friends. If this happens just a few weeks or a month after his breakup, you can be almost sure that he’s more concerned about your company and merely your presence, not into you specifically.

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Guys who are on the rebound seek a lot of things. A party or sex buddy, support, a comforting hug, a friend – just somebody who can capably divert their attention away from their hurt and bitterness. Sadly, at this time, they’re not in search of a serious, lasting relationship yet. So if I were you, read this again, and if they’re true about your guy, I’d suggest you walk away and give your guy the space he needs. Give yourself that space too – to be free and happy with the one that truly deserves you.

 If you are in a relationship, and you recognize that it is heading toward the same negative outcome as past relationships, you can stop the momentum and avoid another tragic ending. — Lisa Firestone, Ph.D.

 

How Accepting Rejection Benefits Your Mental Health

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The pain you get from being rejected is, at times, unbearable. You may have been rejected by someone you like or by your dream job. You can’t but feel helpless under such situations, as if it’s already the end of your journey for you.

However, life doesn’t end there; rejection is a process we all go through. Pain is not always bad; sometimes, the pain we receive only makes us stronger. For some, rejection is a vital step that helps improve your mental health.

What Happens If You Don’t Accept Rejection?

Rejection occurs when an individual is pushed away by someone or something. It can be a romantic partner who may have rejected your proposal for marriage. It can also be a friend who thought of letting go of your friendship.

Each person has a “critical inner voice,” a side of themselves that is turned against them and their circumstances. This “voice” frequently becomes intense after a breakup, twisting a person’s experience through a distorted filter. — Lisa Firestone, Ph.D.

No matter what the situation may be, the outcome for failing to accept rejection may include the following:

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  • Anxiety And Stress

The first of three problems that may occur involves anxiety and stress. When you are rejected, especially by a romantic partner, you can’t help but feel as if you weren’t enough. You end up overthinking and believing that there’s a problem in you when there’s none. Fixating your thoughts on the rejection because you’re unable to accept it only keeps you stressed.

  • Depression

Depression is the next problem you may face from rejection. These may often result in self-harm as a means of escape from an overwhelming sense of being rejected. You can’t seem to feel any better, and the more you go back to your rejection, the worse you feel.

  • Trauma

Trauma is one of the worse conditions you can receive from rejection. Usually, this results from being rejected over a long period. An excellent example of this situation would be when parents reject a child who keeps failing at school or has no friends. Exposure to such a condition can have terrible psychological effects on the child.

Recognize that if someone is just not into you, trying to prove how “right you are for her” is most likely going to do little more than repeatedly prove just how “wrong for her” she believes you to be. — Suzanne Degges-White Ph.D.

Accepting Rejection

You need to take rejecting grace so that you can avoid the conditions or problems you may face from failing to do so. By completely accepting the situation and moving on, you will discover that you will be happier. Doing so makes you realize that rejection isn’t the end of your journey. Instead, it was an experience that can help you grow even stronger and better.

Here are four ways on how accepting rejection benefits your mental health.

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  1. Let Rejection Serve As A Motivation To Do Better

Let rejection drive you to feel that you can do better. Don’t let it drag you down, especially if you know that you can prove the people around you wrong.

  1. You Discover A Different Path In Life

By being rejected in one opportunity, you open up paths to new ones. There is a better opportunity for you out there, and the only way for you to see it is through rejection. Try something you’ve never done before and continued your journey.

  1. Rejections Help You Reconsider And Reevaluate Your Life

You end up learning more about yourself. You discover and understand better the things you like and hate. With rejections, you may end up pursuing something that suits you better.

  1. You Learn To Become Patient

After being rejected by your dream job or a lover you’ve been pursuing for a long time, you can’t help but give up. However, by accepting such a situation, you become capable of moving on. You learn you can’t always have what you want. You need to be patient and continue to work hard.

Be vigilant to not give anyone who doesn’t really know you that much influence over your self-image. Certainly a 30 second chat, or even several dates, doesn’t qualify someone as an expert on “you” to judge you. — Jeremy Nicholson M.S.W., Ph.D.

If it’s too much for you, you can stop. Give yourself time to recover. In time, you’ll be ready again to pursue your growth.

How Can You Help When One Family Member Is Depressed

He started to hear voices telling him to kill himself; suspicious of people around him; no interest on things he used to enjoy; inability to sleep at night, easily agitated, looks superficially happy but, feels sad.

It’s truly tragic to see someone knowingly choose to maintain an unhealthy relationship when you know in your heart that they are worth a truly supportive and respect-filled, mutually satisfying relationship. — Suzanne Degges-White Ph.D.

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Do you know someone who experiences these kinds of things?  These are just some signs and symptoms of a person who is enduring an emotional illness called depression. Personally speaking, this issue hits close to home because it happened to a family member.

Helping a depressed person especially a family member can be a challenge to oneself and the whole family. A person struggling with this kind of disorder will not acknowledge the problem initially and might feel defensive when family members try to intervene. Family support and encouragement are vital for their recovery. It is not an individual struggle but of the entire family to heal and cope with depression. The reality is this – it’s one illness, but it’s the entire family’s battle.

Awareness And Prevent To Be Stigmatized

The first step is to acknowledge that being depressed is not anybody’s fault. Depressed individuals are dealing with a psychological problem. It is a serious mental illness that needs professional attention.  Family members should be aware of how depression works.  Awareness of the disorder can aid in improvising appropriate approaches to their needs. Also, family’s willingness to support will present to the depressed member that he is valuable. Moreover, labeling or stigmatizing the condition can only worsen the situation. Do not be afraid that other people will ostracize your whole family for this. Let this be driving energy to help a family member and not minding what other people say.

People with concealed depression or hidden depression often don’t want to acknowledge the severity of their depressive feelings. They believe that if they just continue living their life, the depression will just go away on its own. — 

Communicate Openly

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Individuals who are suffering from depression are fragile and needs to be taken care of.  One way to help is to provide them with a positive environment. Let them open or speak about their feelings and concerns. Do not be critical even though what they are saying is not true or have no basis. Do not argue with their perceived reality. In the long run, they will realize their actions or what have been right or wrong in the choices they have made. If the family started to accept them and what they are going through, the feelings of abandonment and isolation experienced by depressed individuals can be lessened.

Allow Family Gatherings

It also helps to generate a positive experience. For instance, going out for dinner, watching movies, and a simple weekly family gathering at home. Each member should make available time to attend a get-together. It will secure a depressed person feeling of belongingness. Family involvement in these recreational activities creates the medium, not only for the depressed individual but also to each family member, to ventilate their feelings and evaluate how they are coping with the situation. Depression can be contagious. Taking care of a depressed family member is not easy, and it can be frustrating. This is an excellent opportunity to assess the risk of depression to each family members.

It is also a good idea to invite friends or other persons that are not related to the family. They can serve as mediator or referee to any misunderstandings or issues that can arise anytime during family gatherings. Although this is not the real goal, it is best to be prepared in case a negative outcome takes place. We don’t like this to happen especially if the depressed individual is present or aware of such situation.

Symptoms of depression are often hard to interpret. The individual feels withdrawn, having little energy to perform even mundane tasks. — Robert T Muller Ph.D.

Encourage Professional Treatment

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Getting a depressed person into treatment can be difficult as he may find it hopeless and pointless. This can be frustrating on the part of the family members as well because it will certainly take time to convince a depressed person to seek professional help. It’s like dragging an elephant and placing it inside the fridge. When you bring up this topic, prevent talks as you sound like nagging the person already. This is not helping. The best way is to encourage them to seek help. Enlighten that a professional opinion is a good opportunity for oneself and the family to know the methods on how to solve the problem. A psychiatrist can evaluate the healing progress, and if not on the right track, they can plan changes in the treatment depending on needs. After explaining the technical side, always add that you will be with them all throughout the process. They will not be left out nor neglected while seeking treatment.

A family member’s depression affects the whole family. So, together, support each other, give unconditional love and unlimited patience to make healing a healthier process for everyone.

 

Cutting Ties: Recovering From A Toxic Friendship

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Having a group of friends whom you can count on for love and support is a necessity in life. These people are not only there for the fun times, but they also have a significant impact on improving our lives.

However, not all friendships can last as healthy relationships. Sometimes, your friends can cause you frequent stress and increased vulnerability that is detrimental to your well-being. When this happens, you should recognize the signs of a toxic friendship and part ways with these people for the better.

People, no matter how smart, successful, and savvy, find it impossible to break up with their toxic jobs, relationships, and friends. — Yoon Kane Ph.D.

Are You In A Toxic Friendship?

It’s normal for friends to have fights and misunderstandings now and then. After all, we’re only human. However, certain red flags tell whether your relationship is doing you more harm than good.

The first sign of a toxic friendship is the sense of dread when you’re around them. You get stressed out and weighed down by the idea of meeting up or talking to them. Instead of being excited to hang out, you dislike who you become in their company.

Another red flag is the imbalance in the relationship. Do you feel like you’re giving more time to them, but they don’t care about yours? Do you always talk about them, but they can’t spare a second to listen to you? If yes, then that may mean that you’re not getting as much as you’re giving to your friends.

In the painful cycle of relational abuse, the abuser/user has the power to convince the relational partner that they actually “deserve” the poor treatment. When a person experiences the cycle of abuse long enough, she or he may grow to believe that their behaviour is to blame for the toxicity in the relationship. — Suzanne Degges-White Ph.D.

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You may also feel that the agreements you make are unfair and that it only makes you feel used.  In this case, assess whether your friend is manipulating you to do things that you’re uncomfortable with doing.

Lastly, you get a gut feeling that they shouldn’t be trusted. Maybe it’s because your friends always judge and criticize your actions and decisions. Or perhaps they’re not careful with their words, making you insecure and hateful toward yourself. Remember, while constructive comments help improve yourself, you have to draw the line when it’s too much.

A friendship that started with delight, good will, confidences and closeness changes – maybe slowly and quietly, maybe tumultuously – and is beginning to feel toxic. And you find yourself wondering whether there’s anything to be done but walk away. — Kathy McCoy Ph.D.

Cutting Ties

Leaving a toxic friendship is a painful process, but you should do it for the sake of your overall health. While you recover, consider these tips to help you get back on your feet.

  • Practice self-care. You may feel guilty or even angry at yourself for being in that mess, but it’s not your fault. Allow yourself to feel bad, but don’t let it get the best of you. Instead, fight those bad feelings by treating yourself with fun activities and good food.
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Spend time with other friends. Instead of dwelling on that negative part, shift your focus to your healthy relationships. Take note of the people who truly value you and stick to them. Those friends are the types that can help you heal in your dark moments.

  • Don’t expect apologies. You may end up feeling more hurt when your former friend doesn’t own up to his/her mistake. Try your best to keep that chapter of your life behind you and move on.
  • There is no need to keep in touch. By ending your contact with each other, it will be easier for both of you to let go and heal. If you feel like you need to have the last conversation, keep it clean and short. Then, clarify the intentions behind your decision to discontinue your contact. Remember, you don’t need to explain yourself. Avoid arguments as much as possible.
  • Get help. If your toxic friendship had been too much for you, consider reaching out to a therapist.

Ending a friendship is painful. But if all it did was hurt you and make you hurt yourself, it’s not cruel. You are liberating yourself to find better friendships.

Infect Others With A Smile

Lots of people walk through life trying to hide their depression. Some people with hidden depression can conceal their depression like pros, masking their symptoms and putting on a “happy face” for most others. — 

Have you ever encountered problems that you cannot paint your face with a smile? Is it too heavy because your heart is drowning with pain or sorrow? Why do we need to smile? Take it from a famous saying, “Don’t take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.” When one ponders the harsh realities and complexities of life, it is so easy to be depressed. The present global situation might be generally delicate as compared to previous generations but there are still humanitarian issues that need attention and focus on. With these problems in mind, plastering a smile on one’s face might be considered as a chore. Continue reading Infect Others With A Smile

Powerful Mantras To Help You Move On

Love dies. Relationships end. These statements are difficult to accept, but they constitute people’s daily lives. Heartbreaks are extremely painful since you invested time and effort into a relationship.

For better or worse, in most of today’s Western cultures we have immense freedom to follow our hearts’ desires when it comes to love; however, this freedom also means that we are likely to experience the loss of either a dating or marital relationship at least once in our lives—and probably more frequently. — Erica B Slotter Ph.D.

Thus, breakups are painful and mentally burdensome. You need to remove the romantic attachment you had with another person. In this time of your life, you need a support system to remind you of other great things in life.

Aside from a support system, positive self-talk is also essential when dealing with heartbreaks. Here are some powerful mantras to help you through the moving on phase.

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Healing Is Not Linear

Heartbreaks are tiring since feelings of hurt, guilt, and anger always come back. You might be fine for a day, and you thought you have already moved on. But there is no guarantee that tomorrow will be like today.

However, you must accept that healing will never be linear. The beginning of happiness does not guarantee a lifetime of joy. In the same way, the start of negative feelings does not entail a lifetime of sadness. The moving on phase is an everyday challenge you will face, and you need to healthily deal with these emotions.

You can take note of happy days to remember them during times of struggle. Healing may not be linear, but joyful days make life bearable.

Research shows that one of the best self-help treatments for depression is physical exercise. Exercise produces endorphins and serotonin, which both promote a positive outlook. — Suzanne Degges-White Ph.D.

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One Day At A Time

Sometimes, when things are tough, people force themselves to move on. However, most of the time, coercing yourself is counterproductive. This way of dealing with emotions involves denial and repression.

You deny your negative feelings, but you need to express these repressed emotions. If not conveyed, those negative feelings will obstruct your journey of moving on. You must feel your emotions, but you must not dwell on them.

The future will unfold by itself. Do not worry about it too much. What you need to do is to focus on yourself today. Choose to engage in healthy coping mechanisms. You can start healthy habits which can keep you busy. Focus on making yourself better each day until you realize that you have completely moved on.

The problem isn’t necessarily a lack of determination or desire. Instead, there’s a divide between our calculated intentions to achieve a goal and the feelings that tempt us to give up. — Caty Harris, LCSW

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Life Happens

There were times when you thought you would end up with that person. However, life does not always work the way you want it to. There may be good reasons, or it may just be an unfortunate event in your life. Nevertheless, you need to stop rationalizing other people’s actions and decisions.

It is difficult to accept that your shared time is already gone, but it is the only way to move forward. You are not forced to think of this mantra immediately, but once you learn to accept some aspects of life as they are, you will unload some of the burdens you are carrying.

It might appear that you cannot move on with the pain, but, you are more powerful than you think. You are more than what that person made you feel. You are more than this heartbreak, and you will be surprised by how worthy you are.

How Depression Can Take Over Your Life After A Breakup (And How You Can Combat It)

It’s normal for us to need some time to ruminate and go over the break-up in minute detail when we feel like we were the one who was dumped. Break-ups can definitely qualify as traumatic events and telling and re-telling the break-up story is a relatively normal reaction if it was traumatic for you. — Suzanne Degges-White Ph.D.

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Lost Love

I can’t honestly say that I remember exactly what I went through during my breakups. Maybe because I almost always sulked into depression and would just drink with my friends, watch television and cry myself to sleep. I only remember that those were among my most effective coping methods to help me move on. Continue reading How Depression Can Take Over Your Life After A Breakup (And How You Can Combat It)