At first, there is the pain, or the relief, the anger, sadness, etc. But as time goes by, people often end up drifting back together — they start talking, having sex, spending time together, and soon they’re a couple again, even if unofficially. — Nathan Feiles, MSW, LCSW-R
The addiction of love blinds people. Some persons are crazy enough to assume that the person they are dating is the potential “the one” despite the fact that both parties never discussed an official romantic relationship. One thing is certain – red flags are all over the place, and the person who is assuming a lot in this kind of relationship can suffer a tremendous emotional setback. Continue reading How To Survive A “No Commitment Relationship”
A significant number of married couples are impacted by infidelity nowadays. It’s like the trend now. Or is it? How people could step out of their marriage nowadays to have an affair with another person may take a million reasons to understand the behavior fully. If you are the one being cheated on, in most people’s opinion you are not the person to blame for your partner’s act of deceit. You would, however, want to know the motivating factors or reasons that lead your spouse to this point. You might want to dig on the basic of the reasons why a spouse cheats. Continue reading Self-Therapy on Issues About Infidelity
Every human being experience heartbreak. Whatever is the nature of the relationship, when mutual trust, understanding, and feelings of love wanes, moving on can be a tremendous struggle.
Unfortunately, there’s not a magic number for how many weeks it takes to get over a bad break-up, but if you find your thoughts are getting in the way of you moving forward and your friends are tired of hearing you complain, then those are two signs it’s time to get yourself together and move forward. — Suzanne Degges-White Ph.D.
Most of us would agree that mending a broken heart is never easy. This is especially true if your feelings towards the person are genuine and you have exerted all the efforts to build and sustain the relationship. You have invested a lot of emotional elements to the relationship.
Recovery from heartbreak goes through an excruciating process. The person could go to episodes of depression up to the extent of ending their sorrows by committing suicide. It may sound heinous and exaggerated for some individuals hearing that a person would take their own lives for just reasons of heartbreak. In fact, literature has contributed much to this behavior like the tragic end of Romeo and Juliet or Mark Anthony and Cleopatra.
So how do you get beyond the pain? Many people seek therapy to recover from a broken heart, especially if the consequences are already far more noticeable and affecting their daily lives. The purpose of this article is to offer the readers some commendable steps identified by psychiatrists on how to help oneself recover from heartbreaks.
You don’t need to be a psychologist to note the very harsh effects of a breakup on a person’s mental health. When a relationship ends, humiliation, rage, loneliness, anguish and grief all seem to simultaneously show up at the door, marching in arm-in-arm to parade noisily around our psyche. — Lisa Firestone, Ph.D.
Allow Yourself To Feel The Pain.Some persons are in denial about the heartbreak. They tend to show strong emotions about it, but the danger is when everything boils up because the emotions are kept hidden. Once it spews into a volatile mental breakdown, the problem becomes more complicated. It is only when we feel our pain we can deal with it. The moment you start crying and allowing yourself to grieve, there will be a sense of acceptance and the feeling to move as follows.
Let Your Emotions Flow. As difficult as it may seem, gradually try to feel better. It is understandable to feel sad and lonely for some time. However, it’s no longer healthy if your depression lasts for more than six weeks or longer. If so, this can be clinical depression already, and you need a further evaluation from a psychiatrist or psychologist.
Just as there is a commitment to being together, breakups don’t actually happen unless one or both partners is committed to remaining apart. It often takes tremendous will to not call, text, email, or visit, or to not respond to messages from a recent ex. — Nathan Feiles, MSW, LCSW-R
Make Initial Steps Towards Reclaiming Yourself. Start a list of what you can do now that you are single, perhaps starting an online business or go to school again. Breathe in the new air into your being. This may be the right time to reinvent yourself and discover what talents, skills, and performance set are you still capable of doing.
Make A List Of What You Are Thankful For.Remembering things that should be thankful for can boost your well -being. Even if our love story ended painfully, understand that the experience was a blessing and everything has a purpose.
Pay It Forward. Kindness towards others can make you feel good about yourself, increase your self-worth and helps relieve depression. Joining some volunteer groups can divert your attention from all the heartaches plus an opportunity to meet new friends. Who knows, this can be a venue for you to meet someone who will give sparkle to your eyes once again.
Self-Care Is A Must. Lastly, do take care of your body. Never allow depression to take over, making you neglect physical care. Get some exercise. Eat healthy food that is high in fiber, protein, and nutrients. It can boost your mood and liven up your energy.
As they say, time heal all wounds. Give yourself a break and enjoy what life has given you. It may be impossible, but you can make it through. Even if you can’t imagine being open to love again, you certainly will, profoundly and intensely as you did before.
Our parents are our first guardians and mentors. They’re meant to love us unconditionally, and we should return the same respect and care for them. Unfortunately, not all of us have good relationships with our mothers or fathers. So what can we do about this problem? For those searching for a way to reconcile with loved ones, consulting with a psychologist could be what you need.
From my own experience with an expert, let’s look at how they were able to help me.
Helped Identify Deeper Problems
With strained relationships, it’s difficult to point out what the exact issue is. If you had asked me before, I would’ve given you a dozen reasons why I felt resentful towards my parents. However, many of these problems stemmed from something more in-depth.
Figuring out the root cause wasn’t an easy task. My psychologist was able to guide me to pinpoint the underlying reason for conflict between my family and me. Doing this first was necessary for me to work on mending our relationship.
I found it was a feeling of inadequacy in my earlier youth. I thought I had never been enough for my parents no matter how much effort I put into something. It was continually seeking validation I did not get as a young girl.
University of Illinois researchers discovered girls’ mental and physical health are more affected by family fragmentation than boys’ health although they discovered both genders may have adult health problems. — Rick Nauert PhD
Got Us To Open Up About Our Issues
Some people can converse with their parents as if they were peers or good friends. These people find it easy to talk about anything and often go to their mom or dad first for advice. Then there are those like me who don’t have it as easy.
Going to an expert helped me become more comfortable opening up to my parents. This growth also meant having to talk about difficult things affecting our relationship in the first place.
Served As An Objective Mediator
Apologies between parents and children need special consideration and have unique and sensitive issues. — Ann Gold Buscho Ph.D.
Having disagreements with your parents isn’t uncommon. Truthfully, a perfectly happy family who doesn’t fight at all is virtually nonexistent. And sometimes, arguments aren’t easy to resolve. After all, each of us has our own biases and perspectives. Likewise, we may also have differing and clashing views from others.
That’s why with conflict resolution, it’s a smart move to have a third person as a mediator. My psychologist helped me with this. As experts, they’re trained not to take sides. Instead, they make sure they listen to both parties and look at issues through an objective standpoint.
Hearing from someone free of bias gave us a lot of clarity. It provided us with a way of making decisions based on logic instead of emotions.
Helped Identify Common Toxic Patterns
There are certain pitfalls of toxic behavior into which we fall. Even the kindest person we know can exhibit some of these patterns. Some parents can be too controlling, enmeshed, or absent. Likewise, children can become rebellious or too dependent. Chances are, we’ve been one of those to some degree.
Just like how it’s hard for us to settle arguments alone, it can be easy for us to miss these types of behavior. My psychologist was able to help us identify some of these harmful patterns and practices between my parents and me.
I found I had been too dependent on them for validation, and it affected my decisions as an adult. Likewise, they had put too many expectations on me that I had difficulty meeting and were too critical. By finding out what these toxic patterns are, we become more aware of how we treated each other.
The road to recovery is rough, not just because we are struggling with the real loss of a person or a way of life we really loved, but because every painful rejection is fueled by two forces: the actuality of the loss itself and the army of negative, self-loathing thoughts reawakens within us. — Lisa Firestone, Ph.D.
Reminded Us Emotions Are Valid
Another problem during arguments is people tend to discredit the feelings of others. While it may not be my intention to hurt my parents and vice versa, it happens. It was vital for us to remember our emotions are valid. Learning to attune to these feelings was essential for us to start building a caring relationship. It shows we respect each other.
Many of us turn to psychologists to help us with personal problems or issues with our romantic partners. However, they are experts in the field of other human relationships in general. These professionals can help us in repairing or creating a stronger, loving connection with our parents. They guide us in identifying deeper issues leading to our troubled relationship and talk about them. From there, they can mediate with a more unbiased perspective and help us break away from toxic behaviors. Lastly, they create a space that’s compassionate and validating of our feelings.
Raising a child is a very challenging task for all parents, but it is even more difficult for those who are single. With that, single parents must not be shy or be aloof in seeking help with the rearing of their child. Assistance from others does not mean that you are not capable of raising your child. It’s just that you need a support system for the benefit of your young one, and at times, your own family can assist.
The methods we adopt to numb ourselves to interpersonal pain from our earliest relationships tend to become engrained in us and solidified as early as 5 years old when we start to develop an awareness of loss and death. — Lisa Firestone, Ph.D.
What And How?
Parents need support in raising a child, and that is normal for everyone. Support from others can be in different means. For example, there is financial help. It is practical assistance for parents. Support for the proper ways of parenting and social aid from others is also essential.
How To Help Single Parents
It is somehow demoralizing to accept help from others because you want to fulfill your obligations, but you cannot stop people from extending a lending hand. It doesn’t mean that they are pushing you down for struggling to make ends meet. It only says that others care and they know how hard it is for you.
Here are people who can support you if you are a single parent:
Friends or loved ones other than your parents can provide moral support.
Local people from different groups or organizations can help you as well.
Colleagues at work can give you time off from all the worries.
Counselors are a big help for advice your situations and counseling.
Counseling through online sources or hotline numbers are convenient, fast, and easy.
Your supportive relationships encourage you to be yourself, enhance your strengths, and more fully realize your potential. — Alena Gerst, LCSW, RYT
There are places where you can find the support that you need, and there are also lots of ways to help you out with it, for example:
The people in the community are a good source of moral support. They can cheer you up and help you to cope with the situation. These people will accept and understand you. A supportive community will assure you of healthful living.
Parents have this brotherhood code – we know how difficult it is to raise a child, and so, let’s help each other out. This is an unspoken rule. So, if you need assistance, call the “mommy tree” group.
Local Support And Interest Groups
Single parents in the same situation will be a great help. You are going through the same experience and circumstances. Share ideas on how to juggle single parent life, as you cope up with your reality now.
Forums, Chat Rooms, And Social Networking Sites
Single parents are common all around the world. You can connect with them through online, chat, email or social media outlets. It will boost your morale to know there are lots of people with the same issues as you.
Parental stress, often in the form of single-parent households, appears to play a role in childhood obesity, affecting both unhealthy food consumption and lower physical activity. — Rick Nauert PhD
Finding The Right Support As A Single Parent
What kind of help do you need? Planning is the key to achieving support from others. Think of the things you need the most like carpool or a nanny, why do you need those things, and what help will it do for you. It is better to plan so you can find the assistance you require with your child.
The number of supporters is not a necessity; the important thing is the support that they can give you makes you feel better, and the result is very encouraging.
Having support in any form will build you up as an emotionally strong single parent. It gives you more confidence to face the challenges of tomorrow even when you’re alone and without a partner. Positive people will provide you with optimistic vibes so be with them. Spend time with these people and learn of their goals and dreams about raising kids on their own. But if some people are hindering you from growing into a good single parent, then, don’t hesitate to walk away because it will be your downfall.
Reconnect with others and find the time to socialize. Yes, you are busy taking care of your child but make sure you get a life. Friendships can ease the pains of your single parent problems. They can separate your time with happy conversations and joyful celebrations. No, you are not a selfish person for trying to enjoy your life a few hours each week.
You can bring your child as well if you don’t have someone to look after him. There are places where you can meet up with friends that have a play area.
Sorting Out Your Finances
Money is one of the things that single parents worry about on a day to day basis. Budgeting money is hard especially if there is no child support coming from the other parent. It’s just you, and you need to provide for it. Your income may come in three ways: own earnings whether from work or your own business, child support, and even government support like allowances or discounts from other services.
If there is help coming from your ex-partner in supporting your child don’t hesitate to accept it. It is not a big deal because it is his or her obligation to extend child support. Financial support doesn’t come easily so if someone lends a helping hand to you, accept it.
Budgeting will help you pay for expenses, plan for the future and save for your child’s welfare. Support from others whether emotionally, socially or financially will be a great help for you as a single parent. Yes, it takes two to tango, but you can do it on your own with some help. Don’t lose hope.
I just a read a magazine about celebrities who broke up and how the male celebs were just so ‘depressed’ (according to them) that they went from women to women. I’m sure that’s their excuse for their mean behavior. But really, I came to think about what real men really would go through after a breakup. How do they move on from a serious relationship? Or do they even delve on the pain, wallow in sadness and cry like women do before they say they’re finally over their exes?
A survey of college students at Case Western Reserve University found that more than 90 percent of both men and women reported rejection from someone they were still in love with, while more than 90 percent reported dumping someone who was in love with them. — Melanie Greenberg Ph.D.
I was curious,and so I asked my old friend, Dave, who was a high school heartthrob back in our days. I thought he was the perfect person to talk to about this since he’s had a lot of experience with women. Perhaps there were one or two that he considered significant in his life?
“Of course, what kind of question is that?” he goes. “I’ve dealt with a breakup up too many times to know how it is really to move on.” But that’s just me.
Here’s how he told me about how he successfully dealt with a breakup and how he moved on.
The best way to stop dwelling on heartache is to throw yourself into activities that keep you busy and engaged in the world. — Suzanne Degges-White Ph.D.
The Steps Of Moving On – According To Dave
“I got drunk that fateful day and the rest of the days that followed.”
He said booze was his best friend for the first few weeks following his breakup with his special girl. He just couldn’t take her off his mind without drinking. He had to get intoxicated so that he could get past the day alive – drunk crazy but alive.
“I did everything that she didn’t want me to do.”
When he woke up the next morning feeling all groggy and dazed and angry, the first thing he did was pee on the toilet seat – something that his ex hates so much! It felt great, he said, to do something that she hated. He then lighted a cigarette and smoked his heart out. “Gosh, she would have thrown a tantrum if she would see me now. And wouldn’t that be a relief to see!”
Our inability to look into ourselves causes us to rid ourselves of these qualities by placing them onto our partners, and then ridding ourselves of our partners when it becomes too much to handle. — Nathan Feiles, MSW, LCSW-R
“I tried contacting my other ex-girlfriends.”
This was pathetic, I told him. Keeping in touch with his other girls just to feel even? Was that even fair to him? But yes, that’s what he did. He would call some of the women whom she remembered but then didn’t get the nerve to invite them for a date or something. Maybe he was just after the feeling that he still had that oomph, that magic charm that wore off from the girl that he thought was his soul mate. Well, let’s keep in mind that these steps are his, and he succeeded; so let’s give him that.
“I didn’t care about the sheets or how the room smelled.”
Why would he, right?
“I followed her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.”
Stalking would be more appropriate if I were to rephrase it. He opened her account when he woke up in the morning, and he did it again in the middle of his work, and right before he went to sleep! And then he realized that he got more hurt and angry because the pictures told him that her ex was happier and she was having so much fun with her friends. It looked like she wasn’t even thinking of him. Maybe that shook him up a little – made him come to his senses.
“I got drunk everyday again, and had sex with – uh, I don’t remember their names.”
In his attempts to feel like a man again, he rejuvenated his sex life by making out with women he would know at bars, or blind dates, or simply one-night stands. Sometimes he would be so drunk that he would rant about his ex to these girls – and sometimes he would be left alone in the hotel room because the girl got insulted and rode a taxi home.
“ I thought about getting my life and my body back in shape.”
This was after four months, says Dave. He slowly got tired of his mean and dirty past times that when he looked at himself in the mirror one fine day, he realized he needed an overhaul. At the back of his mind, though, he thought that if she’d see him after a month, that she’ll be all over him again, wanting him back for good (but that didn’t happen).
“I went to the places she went so that she would see the new me.”
Dave is the boy-next-door type of guy. He’s tall, tan, and handsome. He wasn’t like that when he was depressed. And when he finally got his act together and looked all so dashing once again, he wanted her ex to see her, so he went to the bars that she went to and the coffee shops that her girlfriends would go. They saw each other, actually, once or twice, and surprisingly, he said, he didn’t feel too excited and moved. The revenge mode wasn’t there anymore.
“I was starting to move on.”
The hell you should! That was five months ago!
Dave slowly stopped thinking about her ex,and he didn’t even try. He started dating other women, not because he forced himself to but because he wanted someone new in his life. He felt good about going out, getting clean, and being able to socialize without having to drink too much.
“I finally want the best for her, truly.”
He smiled as he was telling me how he was relieved that his ‘mourning’ stage was over and that he felt happier that he had gone through the experience and got out of it stronger and better. He said he still thinks about her sometimes, but only because he wishes her happiness too.
Dave got over it by himself, but if you or a friend of yours couldn’t get a grip of himself because of a breakup, please do see a mental health professional who can help you get through it.
In the early stages of a breakup, you may find yourself obsessing about an ex-partner, unable to concentrate on other things, and feeling bad about yourself—and your brain may be the reason why. But don’t despair—another part of the brain may be able to help you recover. — Melanie Greenberg Ph.D.
Surviving a relationship breakup is one of the most painful processes that we can go through. The real test of resilience can be measured after ending a romantic relationship. Romantic connections can be pretty powerful that we can be so dependent on them. Not everyone can be really that well equipped to deal with breakups. Some would inflict harm on themselves, become suicidal, or even harm other persons. It can also lead to people becoming depressed.
No one has the magic exemption ticket to do away with the painful grieving process. It takes time to move on, and much more to ultimately have more satisfying relationships in the future. But no matter how strong your grief, it helps to be aware of these emotions and take positive steps to recover, move on, and start anew, rather than suffering major depression and mental breakdown. If you are not brave enough to ask someone personally for advice, the internet is a powerful and useful tool in helping you go through this process.
What to Expect During Online Counseling
Nowadays, it is acceptable to ask for online counseling for situations such as this. There are relevant and legitimate online sites that provide 24/7 counseling services to persons with problems like heartaches, relationship breakups or just a simple spat with partners. The following are topics that your therapist will help you go through:
Accept your feelings. The reason why it is a prolonged and painful process is that we try to suppress and run away with the emotional, unpleasant feeling. Negative emotions like anger, resentment, sadness, and fear are all realistic and must be acknowledged. Healthy coping is to experience these feelings. Painful feelings will decrease over time, each day, step by step; you start moving on. Remember that moving on is the end of your goal.
As adults, we tend to use painful events from our present to confirm negative attitudes from our past. The horrible things we believe about ourselves on a deep, fundamental level resurface the minute a situation like a break-up can be used to prove and support them. — Lisa Firestone, Ph.D.
Go back to family and friends. Sometimes sharing your feelings with those you trust so well can make you feel less alone with your pain. Support of family and friends can somehow relieve us from some of our misery. It’s alright to openly discuss your feelings than to isolate and turn yourself away from them.
Avoid self-pity. A breakup is no one’s fault so try not to dwell on who is to blame. In any relationship, our goal is to make it work and not to harm the person that we chose to love. Look back at the relationship and make it an opportunity to learn more about yourself. How was your behavior during the relationship? Be honest with yourself and examine it objectively. Work on your mistakes and learn from them. The bad experience, turn it into something that you can use to make better choices next time.
The breakups that really last tend to face irreconcilable differences in values and life. This usually means that one or both are unwilling or unable to compromise in areas that are meaningful to them and their life plan, which provides the drive to see the breakup through. — Nathan Feiles, MSW, LCSW-R
Practice self-care.Take care of yourself, indulge, and try to get back to where you used to be. A major breakup is highly stressful. It can leave you emotionally, psychologically and physically drained. Try to go back to the healthy habits that once fell. Start to eat well, sleep better and exercise to elevate your mood and make you feel better. Indulge in something that you like and will make you feel better. Get a good massage. Spend time and have fun with your good friends. Go for a short trip or buy something new for yourself. Gradually get back to your routine. Go back to that old comfort of stability and normalcy.
Your first session with the online counselor or therapist may not bring you immediate relief, but it does somehow ease your emotional burden. Expressing your thoughts is the start of the recovery.
After all the heartaches, learn love’s lesson. No matter how bad your love story had been, it is not a failure if you have grown because of the experience. Be at peace with the knowledge that your love’s lesson is in preparation to whom you are destined to be in the future. Hold on to that belief and keep that faith in love and relationship.
It can be difficult to deal with the emotions that arise when you have been rejected by the person that you like. It can feel as though your heart has been ripped out of your chest and you have lost everything that had mattered to you in the world. However, unrequited love, much like any other emotional affliction, can be handled. If you have recently dealt with rejection, take a look at the tips below to help you cope with unrequited love.
Unfortunately, we’ve spent years trying to build up the self-esteem of an entire generation and have created a world in which the word, “No,” carries more power to wound adults more deeply than ever believed possible. — Suzanne Degges-White Ph.D.
The heartbreak that you experience when you discover that your significant other is cheating is vastly different from the heartbreak that you experience when you are only broken up with. A good relationship is built on trust and finding out that your significant other is cheating can completely eliminate that trust and the relationship that came along with it. If you’ve discovered that your partner has been seeing other people, here is what you should do.