A heads up to anyone struggling in their relationships! ‘It takes two to tango,’ but even when the efforts are made by two people, it may not always work.
Being in a relationship is extremely wonderful. You get to be with someone you love who can help you accomplish your goals and dreams. He/ She can take you to many beautiful places, and serve as your inspiration so you won’t lose sight of your vision in life. Most of the time, they make your heart flutter with their simple presence, hugs and kisses. We live for these little and big things. But, the most important thing to consider is whether you’re investing your time and future in the RIGHT person.
Certainly, passions pitted against each other create polarities that plague everyone from the family who each want to go to a different movie, to a nation that stands toe to toe, as adversaries. — Dorothy Firman Ed.D. LMHC, BCC
If you’ve experienced being in a long relationship, you should know that the heart may sometimes rid you of logic when emotions take over. Here are the signs and behaviors of a destructive relationship that you should take note of:
Your partner beats Pinocchio as a “resident liar”.
You don’t have to tell your boyfriend or girlfriend what you’re doing every second. Just make it a point to be honest because your partner would appreciate it more. You may feel like lying about a mistake if that is the only way to keep your relationship “going.” But that doesn’t work, not for long.
Your partner enjoys degrading you.
Let’s be real. Are you the “less successful” partner in your relationship? You don’t have to belittle yourself so much you won’t even want to work hard. Your partner shouldn’t degrade you, but encourage you. There may be times he or she could say mean things to push you so you can improve. But remember, there’s a very fine line between belittling the acts and belittling the character, or worst, the person.
Health Scope gave a detailed description of this kind of partner and explains how this “toxic” person wants all the decision making power. If you tolerate this deprecating behavior long enough, you will begin to believe you can’t make good decisions. Ever. The result is that you’d believe it and you won’t have any confidence in yourself as well. Don’t you want a partner who can put their faith in you?
If you are still distressed by feelings of failure, idealizing the one who rejected you, and intent on recovering the lost relationship, you’ve essentially granted this relationship the power to consume your life and create your misery. — Deborah L. Davis Ph.D.
Your partner likes to put you through verbal or physical abuse.
Whether it’s verbal or physical, you shouldn’t tolerate abuse. If your beau abuses you too much, can you imagine how it can get worse by the day? Of course, you need to talk things out with him or her. Maybe there’s a way to fix it (because that’s better!). But if it doesn’t, you’ll end up suffering for so long.
Your partner easily gets angered.
Was it because of a co-worker who you’ve been spending “after work dinners” together? Or because you dropped a can of milk on the floor? Any person has the right to get angry. However, losing temper “extremely” every single time is a really bad sign. This bad temper could lead to another thing (physical or verbal abuse, humiliation, etc.) and you wouldn’t want that, do you?
Your partner is possessed, or should we say, possessive of you.
During the early stages of your relationship, jealousy would still be cute. But if your partner is possessive of you, they might just cross the line from love to possessiveness (where they feel and BELIEVE they own you). Some couples often intrude on each other’s boundaries and disrespect each other’s inherent independence. Better work on fixing the controlling behavior and negative self-concept than get trapped with someone that’s not so well-rounded.
Sometimes, couples find ways to secure the bonds between them, and this allows them to weather strong storms. Sometimes, even with the best of efforts, relationships just don’t last. — Sarah Swenson, MA, LMHC
Don’t be afraid of to let go of someone who’d potentially be someone you’d want to get divorced with in the future. Think of your future family. Nobody is perfect. Nobody. But that doesn’t mean you just take and accept everything, no matter how destructive it is.