When a relationship is over, feelings of rejection can numb your sense of self and wreck your balance. — Deborah L. Davis Ph.D.
It’s official and you just hit rock-bottom. You and your spouse have just signed the papers that legally dissolved your marriage. Your marriage might have been short or long. It may have been great or bittersweet, but all that is over now and both of you have to deal with the aftermath. The issue now is how to start moving forward.
Here are 8 ways in moving to right direction after your divorce.
Take time to grieve and mourn
Like the end of a life, the end of a marriage is also a sad parting. So, it is a must to grieve over your marriage and bury the previous life with your spouse. You may feel empty and there will be moments of regrets, but remember it is a decision that you both agreed on. All will be well in time.
Work out your emotions
The next step after mourning is learning to work through your feelings and emotions. Grief can be debilitating and can cause you to become dysfunctional. It can even make you antisocial. Just let it all out and release everything. If by any chance you can’t cope, it is recommended that you seek help from a therapist.
When we cut off our emotions, we become numb to life. We lack direction or meaning. — Lisa Firestone, Ph.D.
Learn to love yourself
Sometimes, people tend to blame themselves why their marriage fell apart. You may be too guilty that you lose sight of yourself. That is why learning to love yourself more than ever is very important. By loving yourself, you can acquire the self-confidence and self-esteem to get back up again.
Rediscovery is a must
After you have relearned to love yourself, the next step is rediscovery. Some couples often become codependent after years of being in a relationship. Now that you are single – dare to ask this question: “Who am I?” Chances are you might want to find out again and so, try to do things that you used to do when you were single. You might enjoy it.
Find the new you
After you rediscover yourself, you might find out that you are not really the same person anymore. This is almost a guarantee. So it might be a good idea to start a new lifestyle or a new look. Do a makeover! Set an appointment to get a new haircut or unwind indefinitely. Go on a vacation.
If you are feeling supported, you will want to invest your energy and time into creatively solving problems in ways that are uniquely yours. That is one of the reasons psychotherapy is so popular as a source of support. — Alena Gerst, LCSW, RYT
Enjoy being single
Remember that you weren’t always married. There was once a time wherein you were single and available. Now that you are single again, try to enjoy it. Learn to socialize and this time, you can mingle with the crowd as a single person. Meet new friends and don’t be afraid to go out again. It may be hard, but you have to do this.
Try dating again
If you are starting to mingle and socialize with other people then you are ready for the next step. If you feel like it, you might want to consider dating again. You don’t have to jump on a serious relationship quickly. Just take it slow and have a great time. Try going out with people that aren’t your regular “type”. Get out of your “comfort zone”. You might be surprised to find what’s on the other side.
Face your new life with a smile
The last step is often considered a great leap forward. Learn to embrace this new life that you have. You are no longer a wife or a husband, but you will forever be a mother or a father, if you have children. Being a single parent is tough and you will ace it. Believe that you can do it, with a smile.
Divorce can be messy, but life is never perfect. The love between you and your spouse may be gone, but don’t let that be a reason to hate yourself. Only by living and surviving will you again find the beauty in this imperfect world.