What to Do When Your Friends and Family Hurt You 

“Should I breakup with him?” That is the question that my client Carly struggled with as she sat in on my couch, moving her right crossed leg back and forth with a nervous, oscillating kick. —

Your significant other isn’t the only person who can break your heart. Heartbreak can be caused by friends and family as well. However, it can be more difficult to deal with these people since it can be harder to walk away from them. If you’re surrounded by toxic or rude friends and family who are harming you emotionally or physically, use the 6 tips below to help you deal with them.   

  1. Determine Who Is The Problem

Misinterpretation is always a possibility when you feel as though someone is offending you. Before you assume that one of your friends or family is intentionally trying to hurt you with their words, ask them what they mean when they say certain things that you think are meant to be hurtful. Sometimes they could simply be trying to be helpful and you are taking their criticism too harshly. If this is true for your situation, figure out how to make yourself more secure and learn how to take constructive criticism.  

source: prosperityedwell.com
  1. Make Them Aware of Your Feelings

The first thing that you should do before cutting off terrible family or friends is to attempt to resolve the issue. Talk to them and let them know how you feel about what they’re saying and how they’re acting towards you. Talking to them won’t guarantee that they will change their behavior but it will allow you to voice your opinion and to let them know that what they’re doing to you isn’t okay.  

Feeling lonely and missing connection share the evolutionary purpose of survival and reproduction. Ideally, loneliness should encourage you reach out to others and maintain your relationships. — Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT

  1. Set Some Guidelines for the Relationship

If you choose to continue the relationship despite the person’s behavior, make sure that you set some guidelines for yourself as well as for the other person. Refuse to tolerate bad behavior and make rules that you will follow should this behavior happen. For example, if you have a family member who decides to put you down at every single family gathering, inform that their words are hurtful and leave the party immediately. If they truly want your presence in their life and they see that you will no longer have them around if they continue to act a certain way, they will make an effort to change their behavior. If they don’t, then you know where you stand with them.  

  1. Know When to Walk Away

Some friendships and familial relationships are not worth going through the pain that you are experiencing. If someone is making an effort to hurt you emotionally or physically, get out of the relationship immediately. These types of relationships are not salvageable and are not worth your time. It may break your heart to walk away from these people but it would be even harder to stay with them and to continue to deal with this abuse.  

The connection gained from sexual intimacy can be a powerful panacea to this empty feeling, and the person it may feel most comfortable to have sex with is the person you just broke up with. However, this type of reconnection can reduce the value of intimacy and emotional connection. — John Sovec, LMFT

source: odb.org
  1. Learn From These Relationships and Find Better Friends and Family

We all make mistakes and these mistakes can be in the form of friends and family members. We can’t choose who we come across or who we are saddled with but we can decide who we give our love to and who we keep in our lives. Keep in the mind the behavior of past friends and family members and look out for them in other people. As you get older and as you fill your life with new friends and family members, you will be better be able to decide who is worth your time and your affection and you will be able to avoid the types of people who have hurt you in the past.  

source: qygjxz.com





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