Working on Yourself Before Getting Into a Relationship

After a bad breakup, you may feel that you never want to trust another soul with your heart ever again. — Suzanne Degges-White Ph.D.

If you are unaware of who you are before you begin a relationship, you are more likely to lose yourself throughout the course of the relationship. People in relationships often focus so much of their attention on the other person’s desires and happiness that they forget about their own personality and interests. They spend all of their time working on their identity as a couple that they forget about their own identity. This is the easiest way to ruin your relationship and to get your heart broken. Before you start a new relationship, use these methods to help you find yourself.     


  1. Journal

Journaling is a must for anyone who is looking to discover or improve themselves. It allows you to question and uncover your goals, desires, flaws, obstacles, talents, and dreams. It’s also a great way to track your progress as you figure out who you are and work towards the person that you want to be. Here are a few questions that you should begin with when you start your journal:  

– What are my values and beliefs? 

– What are some things that never fail to make me happy? 

– What is my dream job? 

– What are some things that I need to be told right now? 

– Where do I see myself in 5 years? 

  1. Discover Your Look

When you’re not in a relationship or when you have no one to impress, it can be easy to forget about your image and to be lazy about grooming. Take the time to build a new wardrobe and figure out what you want to look like. You should also begin exercising to improve your health and your body. It’s amazing what a new look can do for your self-perception and how you advertise yourself.  

It is commonly accepted that money is a source of stress and conflict that can take a major toll on relationship quality. New research finds the tension can begin long before individuals tie the knot or even move in with each other. — Rick Nauert PhD

  1. Get Your Affairs in Order

You shouldn’t begin working on a relationship if your to-do list is several miles long. Figure out what it is that you need to get done and do it. If you have always wanted to backpack through Europe by yourself, do it. If you have always wanted to become part of an orchestra, do it. Relationships require sacrifice and you may end up having to sacrifice some of your dreams in order to make your partner happy. Unfinished tasks could very well turn into resentment later on.  

  1. Declutter Your Living Space

If you have a cluttered living area, you most likely also have a cluttered life. This could be due to the fact that you either don’t feel the need to declutter or you find it hard to organize the mess. Whatever the reason may be, designate a day for decluttering your home. This activity will help you to realize what is important to you, what types of things you need in your life, and, if nothing else, gives you a much cleaner place to live in.  

  1. Repeat Positive Affirmations Daily

Positive affirmations are useful because they help to remind you of who you are, who you want to be, and what you want to accomplish. Sit down and come up with a list of things that you need to tell yourself every day. Some examples of affirmations that you could repeat are I will achieve everything that I set out to do today or I will do my best to be a better person today. You could either repeat these positive affirmations orally or you could write them down in a notebook, which is generally believed to be a more effective method. 

People frequently self-sabotage new relationships because they have not let themselves fully grieve and let go of past ones. Keep at the top of your mind that a new relationship will not be healthy if you are using it to escape the emotional misery of a divorce or breakup. — Jill P. Weber Ph.D. 






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